Confidence. I actually struggled a little bit to choose a word for this letter. I was going to do something more sexual, but then I guess I realized that a lot of confidence goes into having sex. You’re actually pretty vulnerable when you’re having sex with someone, whether it’s serious and loving or random and dirty. You’re letting someone see you in a way that not every person in the world gets to see you. Unless maybe you’re busier than me…. 🙂
Now, I don’t have very much confidence to be honest. There are those rare moments where somehow its spiked by adrenaline or who knows what and I am incredibly confident with myself and my body. Those moments are great, and I strive to have more of them by doing things just for myself to make me feel good.
I think that confidence plays a huge role in why I identify more with a submissive personality. From the articles and blog posts I’ve read, many subs out there have lower self-confidence and self-esteem. That’s definitely accurate about me. I know that he probably gets pretty annoyed with me and my lack of confidence most of the time. Even if he doesn’t believe it, he’s a huge source of strength for me when it comes to confidence. When he says “Good morning, sexy!”, I feel like I’m on top of the world. When I know he’s turned on around me or talking to me or he even does something small like getting a tea for me it feels good because he’s reminding me that I’m worth something. I’m worth remembering.
Just last night/this morning we talked a little about how he still chats with others. He says I’m the only one he meets, which makes me feel better about that part. I told him today that I would like it if he didn’t anymore. I try to always share what I’m feeling and that takes confidence to do!! It hard to tell someone when you’re hurt or they made you sad or that something is wrong. I believe he would try for me. To be completely honest, he hasn’t seen that message yet, so who knows what he’ll actually say. I could open our chat window to something I don’t want to see. So until then, I’m just not going to even check for a message for awhile because until I get a response and actually read it, I can continue to have hope for something good.
I also found this blog post I really liked that summed a lot of what I was feeling so if you feel like glancing at it just click here and let me know what you think if you found it interesting!
Anyways, thanks for anyone reading along!! You’re probably proud I’ve been keeping up so far with the alphabet! 😉 And please keep this in mind, as I will try to do the same: