And just like that…

…another day has come and gone with him! It was wonderful to see him today. I got him for about four and a half hours today, for which I’m very grateful!

We made it back to his house together and sat around in the living room playing with the dog for awhile before slipping down to the basement. It was very nice just sitting there with him, enjoying the company each of us has to offer. 🙂

Once we made it to the basement though, we had our clothes off and were in bed fairly quickly. But we were able to take our time in bed together, which was amazing. Feeling his tongue on mine, his hand slapping my ass and my arms around him was perfect. He helped me to cum first, giving me permission, rubbing my clit while I moved my hips against his hand. Very quickly I could feel my legs beginning to shake and I came hard for him. We laid there kissing and holding each other and it was incredible…I can never get enough of him. His cock was so hard and he had me flip over on my knees with my ass up so he could give me a more proper spanking. I love feeling and hearing it when he does…after that I had to pull down the covers and take him in my mouth. I love feeling his cock glide down my throat, my tongue moving against him, my lips wrapped around him, hearing him moan softly when I take him deep in my throat…it turns me on like crazy. Not long after I started sucking him, he pulled on my legs to rearrange me so my pussy was right in his face. Feeling his tongue on me drove me wild and all I wanted was to make him cum like he did for me. I loved moving my lips and tongue faster on him until I could hear him moan and pant a little and then feeling him shoot all his cum in my mouth…it was very sexy and fun and intimate!

Then we just laid there, talking and laughing and kissing for the next couple hours. I love getting time with him to just talk. He’s wonderful to talk to and a great conversationalist. He’s funny and smart and quick witted. Even writing this now I can’t help but to smile thinking about him laying there with me, both of us laughing at something silly. 🙂

I saw this awhile ago on Tumblr and had saved it, before I even met him I think. But going back through saved posts earlier today from boredom, this describes him quite well for me. While we are dangerous for each other, I believe this risk is worth the reward, as I think he does too. I’m finding out a lot about myself through this relationship we have. I never anticipated anything like this happening and sometimes I think my feelings are too much, but I can’t help it.

Most of the time I’m too busy thinking about the future: what’s going to happen, what could happen, what I want to happen. Or I’m dwelling on the past, feeling the low from the high I just had, wondering why it had to end. But today felt a little different for some reason. I still have the same sad feeling I always do when he and I part ways, but today it was less so. And even talking to him today about what our summer will look like when we won’t be able to see each other as much was sad, but still made me feel better because it means there is a future of some sort. Or the thought of one at least. So I’ll end here, on a somewhat happy note. All I have in my head now is the closing monologue that Kevin Spacey gives in American Beauty as Lester Burnham. I’ll save that for another day, but this closing gif will do.

Xoxo

Tied up in decisions…

So recently I’ve been slightly obsessed with the idea of being tied up. My Master and I have discussed it and are both interested in doing this. Being that I’m fairly new to this and needing to be discreet about it (there should be little evidence left on my person), I’ve been doing a lot of research. I’m leaning towards these that I found online:

Very basic and cheap. Satin material to hopefully have a lower risk of leaving marks. I haven’t made the purchase yet as I want to be sure I’m making a good decision. There are a couple of these sashes in a pack when ordered, so there can be a couple used as restraints and one as a blindfold possibly, which I like.

I’m mostly curious to anyone that is reading this: have you experimented with different restraints? What material were they made of? How long did you have them on for? In what position were you restrained in? I’m thinking that starting off with something more comfortable would be the best way to go and then work our way up from there. I’ve been blindfolded before and tied up a couple times, but never for any real length of time, nor with anything I couldn’t get out of. The trust is there that if I needed to be free for a safety or comfort reason, of course He would oblige. Once this purchase has been made and we have had a chance to play, I’ll certainly be reporting back!

Please don’t be shy! If you happen to stop by on this post, let me know your thoughts and/or experiences with this! 🙂

Bedtime Thoughts

I just was talking to my Master a little while ago, before he was most likely heading to bed, and he told me I never seem to sleep. I try, but my mind is always racing with one thought or another; an engine I can’t shut off. As I lay here, I think about Him laying in bed, stripped down to his boxers, maybe even thinking of me before he drifts off to sleep. I hope he’s having sweet dreams…

Anyways, I’m currently reading a book He lent to me, Sophie’s World. It is fascinating and I’m making my way slowly through it, wanting to absorb as much as possible. I have flagged pages with things I like or have wanted to research more on. Often after reading a chapter or section, I’ll take myself on a Google adventure and try to process what I’ve been reading. On one of my recent research episodes, I came upon a quote from the Greek philosopher Thales:

The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.

My initial reaction was ‘Yeah…duh.’ However, sitting on this quote all day, he’s right. How can you ever even really know yourself? My Master and I have also had a similar conversation when talking about our own relationship and how it’s different from each of our separate primary relationships. We both act different around our significant others than we do each other, at the very least sexually. Maybe what He and I are doing is learning about this part of ourselves that we don’t know and are just wanting to explore. Will we both always like it? Will someone grow tired of it? Would we be honest enough with each other to share these things? I don’t know about the first two, although I hope neither of us gets tired of this, but I strongly believe we would be honest with each other. This is a segue way into another thing I found today that I liked very much:

My relationship with my Master is probably the most honest one I’ve personally been in. I have no secrets with him; nothing to hide or be embarrassed about or ashamed of. It’s all on the table and I love it. I love that even though He and I still are learning about each other and ourselves, we are open and honest. He doesn’t get mad or upset when I ask what I deem to be stupid questions, or at least He doesn’t let on that He’s annoyed. We talk about boundaries, what we want to do, our future together. As the submissive here, I need that structure and reassurance that He is there for me. That he wants to be there. I want to be His choice, not something he feels as though he should settle for. I know I’m a bit too much for him sometimes and I try to make myself slow down and think, but when my impulsiveness strikes, He has a way of calming me down. I trust Him. Not just as a Master, but as a lover, partner, boyfriend and friend. At the most basic level, He’s one of my best friends. I didn’t know what I was getting into when we met, but I don’t regret it and I wouldn’t change anything if I could go back. If, because saying when kind of stings, things were to end, I’ll forever be grateful for this experience in pure honesty and communication. He is my Master and I love him.

Happy New Year!

Aaaaand we are officially in 2019 today! I can’t believe how quickly 2018 went by. It was quite a year and a lot happened, good and bad. I got closer with my friends this year, got engaged, got fired, and met my Master. Some of those things I had hoped for and wanted, some were a shock, and some were things I didn’t know I needed or even wanted. Maybe the universe has a funny way of sending you something you didn’t know you needed at the right time…what do I know? 🙂

I’m ready to see what this year brings in all aspects. Expect the the worst and hope for the best! I sent this last night to my Master for the new year:

I smiled to myself when I read this and thought it would be appreciated. I’ve read it several times at this point, and each time I read it, a different part sticks out to me. There is good madness on the horizon, kisses to be shared, and stories to be told. Surprises seem inevitable. 🙂

I came across this earlier today. They are just some quotes from one of my favorite shows, Bojack Horseman. This show never ceases to amaze me for being some silly Netflix cartoon. These quotes hit hard, especially when you have the context with them from the episode. Some of them are inspiring to me, but some of them break you down. In the true spirit of myself, I’ll end here because happy endings are cliche. 🙂

This post doesn’t exactly have a lot to do with anything, but since it’s the new year, I’ll give myself a pass and get back on track tomorrow.

Happy New Year!! 🎉

Why be a Sub…

Who knows? My Master has asked me this more than once, before and after we became “official” if you want to call it that. I think some of it can be explained by the simple idea of some people are leaders and some people are followers. Now, this can be different from the bedroom compared to real life, obviously. Someone could be more of a leader in their public life and enjoy being controlled in bed or vice versa. Speaking only for myself, I’m a follower in most forms.

Part of it might have been growing up in a house where I was to ask for permission for most things: to get a snack, to watch tv, to go outside, etc. Maybe that had something to do with it? I’ve always had more thoughts going on in my head than words coming out of my mouth. I’ve never liked getting in trouble and I preferred to be the quiet wheel who didn’t need any grease to keep going. I also know I’m a people pleaser. I like making others happy; going above and beyond if I can. Something about seeing someone else happy, makes me happy. I feel like I’ve accomplished something and can feel good about myself. It sounds rather selfish writing it here and now: I do nice things for others in order to feel good about myself. So perhaps I’m not as nice as I’d like to think I am…. 🙂

I’ve read on other blogs/articles/discussion boards that being submissive is actually just as powerful as being a dominant because you’re willingly giving up yourself to someone else. I’d say I agree with that. It makes sense to me. However, being the dominant I think is still a challenging role for someone because you have to be the one telling someone what to do; coming up with ideas, staying in control even if it means maybe some of your pleasure is sacrificed because you don’t get to focus solely on that like the submissive does. It’s definitely something to think about and won’t get figured out in this one post.

I’m enjoying exploring the role of being his submissive. I don’t know that a dominant role would ever really be for me. I’m very lucky that he and I have an easy and comfortable place in which we are learning together. Recently, he was at my apartment with me after running an errand together. He helped to remove my clothes while standing in the kitchen and I bent down to take my shoes off while he took his pants off. He had me suck his cock while I was down on my knees before grabbing a handful of my hair and having me crawl to bed where he fucked me hard and came inside me. I love when he pulls my hair, grabs and squeezes my neck, pinched my nipples hard. The trust I have with him is strong and simple. We communicate well and that’s why I think we work so well together. I’ve never had such an open and honest sexual relationship. I wouldn’t change anything in it. Other than we would be fucking each other every day…

More to come on this topic in the future as exploration continues! 🙂