What a hard question to answer! Am I the only one who feels like my traits actually kind of shift slightly depending on the setting/situation/people I’m with? I think its kind of like no one really knows yourself like you do. I act the same generally around everyone I know, but there are things that I change ever so slightly when I’m around different people. I have an insanely dirty mouth and swear constantly, but I refuse to say swear words around my parents or strangers (for the most part). It just feels wrong. However, those I’m closest to probably think I’m part sailor because of my mouth. I’m a quite agreeable person; I am not fond of confrontation, but will stand up for myself every now and again when I feel like I can’t put up with it anymore. It’s almost like having a jar full of moments that I put up with other people’s shit and when it gets full, I have to dump some of it out.
I think I would be safe to say that generally speaking, most people are this way. Some people are just rude no matter what and some people just can’t say a bad word about anyone no matter what the circumstances are. Those people can be tough to be around for me sometimes though because I definitely do more than my fair share of judging others for anything and everything. Sometimes I know I have to censor myself around certain friends because they won’t appreciate my comments, but I have other friends who will sit there and laugh like a hyena with me about someone we are poking fun at.
In doing some research online, I found this article that was an interesting read. It basically goes over personality traits that are commonly found between doms and subs. I think the findings seemed to line up with what I thought they would before I actually started reading the article.
Additionally, participants who preferred the dominant role tended to be lower in agreeableness and neuroticism compared to submissive participants and to the general population, while, submissives tended to be more extraverted than the general population. Additionally, dominants tended to have higher subjective well-being and were less sensitive to rejection compared to the general population, suggesting that people drawn to the dominant role may be particularly psychologically well adjusted.
The above direct quote makes sense to me. However, in my personal experience so far in my relationship with my Master, this doesn’t prove to be exactly true. He is not what I call ‘low in agreeableness’. I know we don’t take on our dom and sub roles constantly in our relationship, but even when we are in those roles he still seems fairly agreeable to me. Maybe its just because I want what he wants, and not just because I’m his submissive slut, but because I truly want the same things that he does. Who knows? Still learning over here. 🙂
I also feel like we are both fairly well adjusted psychologically. We both lead ‘normal’ lives, his probably slightly more normal than mine. I definitely have those other submissive traits that I don’t think he has as much: the anxiety, neuroticism, sensitivity to rejection, etc. Perhaps he does have these things and I just don’t know. Maybe that will be a conversation we will have and I can revisit this topic. 🙂 I love learning more about him and his thoughts on anything and everything!
I also found this to be interesting:
Those drawn to the dominant role appear to be self-confident, assertive, and comfortable taking control. Those who are drawn to the submissive role appear to be more introverted and emotional, and enjoy surrendering control. Dominants seem to have a better opinion of themselves and to be more satisfied with their lives compared to submissives, which might be accounted for due to greater extraversion. People of both orientations are open to new experiences and are probably self-disciplined and appreciate structure and rules. Hence, it would seem that people drawn to BDSM choose roles that fit their personalities to a certain extent…
It more or less says that same thing as the quote I shared first, but it is still great food for thought. I do feel like he and I are drawn to each other. At the very least, I know I am strongly drawn to him, both for sexual and intellectual reasons. I think every relationship strives to have that ultimate mix of rough and sweet, fun and serious in all aspects. That balance would be hard to preserve, but I believe with the right communication, openness to try new experiences and complete honesty, it can be achieved. I’m only left to wonder if he and I were in different circumstances, would we be in a strong and completely exclusive relationship? Based on the evidence and experience I currently have in *this* moment, I would say yes. In another universe, in another lifetime, I will forever be his and he would be mine. But in this lifetime and in this reality, I’m just happy he graces me with his presence and we can navigate this together! 🙂
Just A Sub: Learning and Adventures 