Today was a snowy day here where I’m at and it was a wonderful one. I had some time with my Master this morning and, as usual, it was amazing. I grabbed some breakfast for us on the way to his house where we laid around all morning, playing with the dog and me giving him a massage. It was nice just to spend some time with him. 🙂
I’m always just slightly torn on days like these. It is beyond wonderful that we can enjoy each other’s company without always having to have sex. It makes me feel as though our relationship isn’t just one dimensional and we can be/are connected on other levels. However, I always want to feel like I’m making the most of our time together because it is a little limited. I would’ve loved to have fucked him today. Especially after that teasing stunt he pulled on me the other day by not letting me suck his cock…he knows how mean that was. 🙂
After I left his snowy home and made it back to my own, I couldn’t help but to smile and reflect back on our time together. My only regret being that he didn’t take me by the hand and lead me to his spare bedroom in the basement where we sometimes play…
He actually will be getting back to work here next week. Kind of excited for that in one sense because I will be seeing him a little bit there. It will be interesting and exciting to pretend not to know him and to have to maintain a professional relationship with him in that setting. 🙂 More on that later!
As I was coming up with the title for this post, all I could think about was this song from 1999:
I used to think I was so cool listening to this song in middle school and going into high school. So much angst and thinking I was SO hardcore… Completely hilarious now.
Anywho…..today’s post is about my two worlds colliding together. I have one life that everyone knows about about: my fiance and I grocery shopping together, my friends and I meeting for lunches or game nights, my family coming out for a visit. My normal life. These things are all publicly acknowledged, documented even through social media and memories that are allowed to be shared.
Then there is my other life; my secret one. The one where I have a boyfriend who is my Master. I don’t share with anyone how we sit and talk about movies, or how he fucks me hard in my bed or his guest bed, or how he colors a picture and I rub his back, or how he slaps me and turns both of us on. It is a complicated thing that we have. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It can be difficult not to share these things about him; my feelings and experiences I mean. But in a strange way, it makes what we have more special because it truly is just between he and I. And, of course, anyone reading this blog right now. 🙂 I’d be lying a little if I were to say that I didn’t care if we never were more than this. I know realistically it won’t happen, but I sure can dream about it, and it is a lovely dream.
I think this picture is important and significant, to me at least, because it shows both of my worlds intertwined. On the right I have my engagement ring. Of course it’s important to me, as is my fiance. I do love him, just as my Master loves his wife. On the left I have my collar, complete with an inscription from my Master. I also love him and he is important to me as well. I’m happy to wear both of these pieces of jewelry. It is interesting with the collar though because I don’t know that many people know what it is exactly. I had someone compliment it just the other day at the store, but I’m certain she just thought it was a necklace. 🙂 It’s exciting to be wearing something in public that represents his ownership of me. I like knowing that I’m his, and he is mine. I know that he will never fully be mine, but I like knowing that it is just he and I with this secret. We share something special and I feel like he and I are getting the best of both worlds right now: we each have our normal lives that we get to enjoy, but then we also get to enjoy our other life together. One of my favorite things about him is when he talks about our future together. I know I’m probably thinking about this a little much like a regular relationship, but its not that far off. I know he feels this way too based on our conversations about it. I trust him. Very much. The advantage he and I have is the complete honesty and trust we have together. So many relationships, including each of our primary relationships, don’t have the same level of honesty and while I’m sure we both trust our significant others strongly, he and I share a different kind of trust.
I can only hope that other subs/girls have what I have. The sub role is obviously still slightly new to me. He and I are both still learning together and even though I refer to him mostly as my Master in this blog, I do still see him more as a boyfriend majority of the time. I think if our schedules allowed for us to have more time together, exploring these roles would be different. Right now, we only have so much time together in these 2-4 hour blocks of time and we try to fit in as much as we can: normal couple things like cuddling, having something to eat (other than his fucking delicious cock), back rubs for him while we mindlessly chat. Most of the time we manage to get a good fuck session in though too…Like yesterday.
Before he left yesterday, we made our way to my bed where we played with our gag for the first time (that will be another post…). He tied it around my head and shoved me onto my back in bed. After a few slaps on my already wet pussy, like in this sexy gif I found:
As I was moaning with my gag in my mouth, he was teasing me like crazy; asking “Is there something you’re trying to say? Do you need something?” It was driving me crazy….Then he crawled on top of me, his mouth on my pussy and moving his cock against my lips. I kept trying to get my tongue out to taste his precum, but I could only do so much with my gag on. Finally after teasing me for what felt like forever, he slid off me and walked around the bed so he could crawl back on top of me to fuck me with that hard cock of his. Looking into his eyes with the gag in my mouth and feeling him fill me with cum was so fucking hot and sexy. He is just absolutely amazing and I can’t wait for my next date with him.
I’ve really gotten off track here in this post. There are many things I want to go back to because I feel they deserve a post of their own, so I’ll get on that. But to wrap things up, I really do have two amazing lives that I get the pleasure of living. I’m happy to have them both and don’t want to lose either anytime soon.
What a hard question to answer! Am I the only one who feels like my traits actually kind of shift slightly depending on the setting/situation/people I’m with? I think its kind of like no one really knows yourself like you do. I act the same generally around everyone I know, but there are things that I change ever so slightly when I’m around different people. I have an insanely dirty mouth and swear constantly, but I refuse to say swear words around my parents or strangers (for the most part). It just feels wrong. However, those I’m closest to probably think I’m part sailor because of my mouth. I’m a quite agreeable person; I am not fond of confrontation, but will stand up for myself every now and again when I feel like I can’t put up with it anymore. It’s almost like having a jar full of moments that I put up with other people’s shit and when it gets full, I have to dump some of it out.
I think I would be safe to say that generally speaking, most people are this way. Some people are just rude no matter what and some people just can’t say a bad word about anyone no matter what the circumstances are. Those people can be tough to be around for me sometimes though because I definitely do more than my fair share of judging others for anything and everything. Sometimes I know I have to censor myself around certain friends because they won’t appreciate my comments, but I have other friends who will sit there and laugh like a hyena with me about someone we are poking fun at.
In doing some research online, I found this article that was an interesting read. It basically goes over personality traits that are commonly found between doms and subs. I think the findings seemed to line up with what I thought they would before I actually started reading the article.
Additionally, participants who preferred the dominant role tended to be lower in agreeableness and neuroticism compared to submissive participants and to the general population, while, submissives tended to be more extraverted than the general population. Additionally, dominants tended to have higher subjective well-being and were less sensitive to rejection compared to the general population, suggesting that people drawn to the dominant role may be particularly psychologically well adjusted.
The above direct quote makes sense to me. However, in my personal experience so far in my relationship with my Master, this doesn’t prove to be exactly true. He is not what I call ‘low in agreeableness’. I know we don’t take on our dom and sub roles constantly in our relationship, but even when we are in those roles he still seems fairly agreeable to me. Maybe its just because I want what he wants, and not just because I’m his submissive slut, but because I truly want the same things that he does. Who knows? Still learning over here. 🙂
I also feel like we are both fairly well adjusted psychologically. We both lead ‘normal’ lives, his probably slightly more normal than mine. I definitely have those other submissive traits that I don’t think he has as much: the anxiety, neuroticism, sensitivity to rejection, etc. Perhaps he does have these things and I just don’t know. Maybe that will be a conversation we will have and I can revisit this topic. 🙂 I love learning more about him and his thoughts on anything and everything!
I also found this to be interesting:
Those drawn to the dominant role appear to be self-confident, assertive, and comfortable taking control. Those who are drawn to the submissive role appear to be more introverted and emotional, and enjoy surrendering control. Dominants seem to have a better opinion of themselves and to be more satisfied with their lives compared to submissives, which might be accounted for due to greater extraversion. People of both orientations are open to new experiences and are probably self-disciplined and appreciate structure and rules. Hence, it would seem that people drawn to BDSM choose roles that fit their personalities to a certain extent…
It more or less says that same thing as the quote I shared first, but it is still great food for thought. I do feel like he and I are drawn to each other. At the very least, I know I am strongly drawn to him, both for sexual and intellectual reasons. I think every relationship strives to have that ultimate mix of rough and sweet, fun and serious in all aspects. That balance would be hard to preserve, but I believe with the right communication, openness to try new experiences and complete honesty, it can be achieved. I’m only left to wonder if he and I were in different circumstances, would we be in a strong and completely exclusive relationship? Based on the evidence and experience I currently have in *this* moment, I would say yes. In another universe, in another lifetime, I will forever be his and he would be mine. But in this lifetime and in this reality, I’m just happy he graces me with his presence and we can navigate this together! 🙂
…another day has come and gone with him! It was wonderful to see him today. I got him for about four and a half hours today, for which I’m very grateful!
We made it back to his house together and sat around in the living room playing with the dog for awhile before slipping down to the basement. It was very nice just sitting there with him, enjoying the company each of us has to offer. 🙂
Once we made it to the basement though, we had our clothes off and were in bed fairly quickly. But we were able to take our time in bed together, which was amazing. Feeling his tongue on mine, his hand slapping my ass and my arms around him was perfect. He helped me to cum first, giving me permission, rubbing my clit while I moved my hips against his hand. Very quickly I could feel my legs beginning to shake and I came hard for him. We laid there kissing and holding each other and it was incredible…I can never get enough of him. His cock was so hard and he had me flip over on my knees with my ass up so he could give me a more proper spanking. I love feeling and hearing it when he does…after that I had to pull down the covers and take him in my mouth. I love feeling his cock glide down my throat, my tongue moving against him, my lips wrapped around him, hearing him moan softly when I take him deep in my throat…it turns me on like crazy. Not long after I started sucking him, he pulled on my legs to rearrange me so my pussy was right in his face. Feeling his tongue on me drove me wild and all I wanted was to make him cum like he did for me. I loved moving my lips and tongue faster on him until I could hear him moan and pant a little and then feeling him shoot all his cum in my mouth…it was very sexy and fun and intimate!
Then we just laid there, talking and laughing and kissing for the next couple hours. I love getting time with him to just talk. He’s wonderful to talk to and a great conversationalist. He’s funny and smart and quick witted. Even writing this now I can’t help but to smile thinking about him laying there with me, both of us laughing at something silly. 🙂
I saw this awhile ago on Tumblr and had saved it, before I even met him I think. But going back through saved posts earlier today from boredom, this describes him quite well for me. While we are dangerous for each other, I believe this risk is worth the reward, as I think he does too. I’m finding out a lot about myself through this relationship we have. I never anticipated anything like this happening and sometimes I think my feelings are too much, but I can’t help it.
Most of the time I’m too busy thinking about the future: what’s going to happen, what could happen, what I want to happen. Or I’m dwelling on the past, feeling the low from the high I just had, wondering why it had to end. But today felt a little different for some reason. I still have the same sad feeling I always do when he and I part ways, but today it was less so. And even talking to him today about what our summer will look like when we won’t be able to see each other as much was sad, but still made me feel better because it means there is a future of some sort. Or the thought of one at least. So I’ll end here, on a somewhat happy note. All I have in my head now is the closing monologue that Kevin Spacey gives in American Beauty as Lester Burnham. I’ll save that for another day, but this closing gif will do.
So tomorrow is the first time I’ll be seeing my Master since just after Christmas (hopefully anyway!) and I can’t wait!
It’s a tough choice because I want Him to immediately take me into bed to spank, choke and fuck me hard until we both cum. But I also just want to hug and kiss Him and hear about how life has been going for Him while getting lost in His eyes. I’m not sure where we’re meeting just yet because of some recent changes in His household, but I really don’t care where we meet. Just thinking about Him right now gives me butterflies and gets me incredibly excited and turned on…
I came across this quote earlier and liked it very much:
His face immediately comes to mind. Feeling His hand tightly on my neck while He kisses my cheek softly before slapping it turns me on like crazy. Staring into His eyes and seeing this almost lustful smirk because He knows how much we both want this. I have very little willpower when it comes to Him. I just can’t help it!! Not that I’ve ever really tried, I suppose…Nor do I think I want to! I enjoy the power He has over me. I don’t know if He truly knows what He does to me in so many ways.
So after seeing that quote, I went on a little Google search and came across a site that had a few more that I liked, including this one (probably because that is what I googled lol):
This crosses my mind almost every time He tells me to do something when we’re in bed. I almost want to defy Him just so he has a ‘reason’ to punish me because I know that’s what we both really want. But it’s so hard to do that when I already want to do what he tells me. Maybe that’s just because I’m a dirty slut…who can say for sure? 🙂
Click here to see the rest of them if you feel so inclined. 🙂 I liked all of them for one reason or another, but these stuck out to me today.
I wish anyone reading this sexy thoughts. Hopefully you’ll all be as lucky as I will be tomorrow… 😉
So recently I’ve been slightly obsessed with the idea of being tied up. My Master and I have discussed it and are both interested in doing this. Being that I’m fairly new to this and needing to be discreet about it (there should be little evidence left on my person), I’ve been doing a lot of research. I’m leaning towards these that I found online:
Very basic and cheap. Satin material to hopefully have a lower risk of leaving marks. I haven’t made the purchase yet as I want to be sure I’m making a good decision. There are a couple of these sashes in a pack when ordered, so there can be a couple used as restraints and one as a blindfold possibly, which I like.
I’m mostly curious to anyone that is reading this: have you experimented with different restraints? What material were they made of? How long did you have them on for? In what position were you restrained in? I’m thinking that starting off with something more comfortable would be the best way to go and then work our way up from there. I’ve been blindfolded before and tied up a couple times, but never for any real length of time, nor with anything I couldn’t get out of. The trust is there that if I needed to be free for a safety or comfort reason, of course He would oblige. Once this purchase has been made and we have had a chance to play, I’ll certainly be reporting back!
Please don’t be shy! If you happen to stop by on this post, let me know your thoughts and/or experiences with this! 🙂
Aaaaand we are officially in 2019 today! I can’t believe how quickly 2018 went by. It was quite a year and a lot happened, good and bad. I got closer with my friends this year, got engaged, got fired, and met my Master. Some of those things I had hoped for and wanted, some were a shock, and some were things I didn’t know I needed or even wanted. Maybe the universe has a funny way of sending you something you didn’t know you needed at the right time…what do I know? 🙂
I’m ready to see what this year brings in all aspects. Expect the the worst and hope for the best! I sent this last night to my Master for the new year:
I smiled to myself when I read this and thought it would be appreciated. I’ve read it several times at this point, and each time I read it, a different part sticks out to me. There is good madness on the horizon, kisses to be shared, and stories to be told. Surprises seem inevitable. 🙂
I came across this earlier today. They are just some quotes from one of my favorite shows, Bojack Horseman. This show never ceases to amaze me for being some silly Netflix cartoon. These quotes hit hard, especially when you have the context with them from the episode. Some of them are inspiring to me, but some of them break you down. In the true spirit of myself, I’ll end here because happy endings are cliche. 🙂
This post doesn’t exactly have a lot to do with anything, but since it’s the new year, I’ll give myself a pass and get back on track tomorrow.
Who knows? My Master has asked me this more than once, before and after we became “official” if you want to call it that. I think some of it can be explained by the simple idea of some people are leaders and some people are followers. Now, this can be different from the bedroom compared to real life, obviously. Someone could be more of a leader in their public life and enjoy being controlled in bed or vice versa. Speaking only for myself, I’m a follower in most forms.
Part of it might have been growing up in a house where I was to ask for permission for most things: to get a snack, to watch tv, to go outside, etc. Maybe that had something to do with it? I’ve always had more thoughts going on in my head than words coming out of my mouth. I’ve never liked getting in trouble and I preferred to be the quiet wheel who didn’t need any grease to keep going. I also know I’m a people pleaser. I like making others happy; going above and beyond if I can. Something about seeing someone else happy, makes me happy. I feel like I’ve accomplished something and can feel good about myself. It sounds rather selfish writing it here and now: I do nice things for others in order to feel good about myself. So perhaps I’m not as nice as I’d like to think I am…. 🙂
I’ve read on other blogs/articles/discussion boards that being submissive is actually just as powerful as being a dominant because you’re willingly giving up yourself to someone else. I’d say I agree with that. It makes sense to me. However, being the dominant I think is still a challenging role for someone because you have to be the one telling someone what to do; coming up with ideas, staying in control even if it means maybe some of your pleasure is sacrificed because you don’t get to focus solely on that like the submissive does. It’s definitely something to think about and won’t get figured out in this one post.
I’m enjoying exploring the role of being his submissive. I don’t know that a dominant role would ever really be for me. I’m very lucky that he and I have an easy and comfortable place in which we are learning together. Recently, he was at my apartment with me after running an errand together. He helped to remove my clothes while standing in the kitchen and I bent down to take my shoes off while he took his pants off. He had me suck his cock while I was down on my knees before grabbing a handful of my hair and having me crawl to bed where he fucked me hard and came inside me. I love when he pulls my hair, grabs and squeezes my neck, pinched my nipples hard. The trust I have with him is strong and simple. We communicate well and that’s why I think we work so well together. I’ve never had such an open and honest sexual relationship. I wouldn’t change anything in it. Other than we would be fucking each other every day…
More to come on this topic in the future as exploration continues! 🙂
Just A Sub: Learning and Adventures 