Tag: bdsm

‘D’ Is For Dominance….

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It’s rather hilarious how I just sat here for the last hour trying to think of a word for this letter when it suddenly just hit me like a brick wall: Dominance. That’s the whole thing that brought me here. Dominance and submissiveness. At the risk of sounding more dramatic than I would like, my Master has changed my life.

There were/are things I have wanted to try and have/will with him. There are things I’ve done that I didn’t think I would. Things we have planned to experiment with. It doesn’t get old. Not for me anyways.

I know what it means for him….

I’ve done in the past a post about traits of dominant and submissive personalities so I won’t touch too much on that for a second time. However, if you haven’t read that post yet, click here to enlighten yourself. 😉

I did find a new article while researching things for this post though. From Psychology Today, an article titled ‘Why Some of Us Seek Dominant Partners’. Basically, a study was done in Germany through personality questionnaires to determine how favorable the participants found a dominant sexual partner to be.

“Their results did reveal that there were two types of women who preferred dominant partners—those who displayed boredom susceptibility and disinhibition, and anxiety.“

Now who does that sound like?? 🤔 Oh, yeah…. ME! I found this article to be quite interesting. Now there was also a part in there about anxious women preferring a less dominant partner so they don’t feel overly controlled about trying new things; that they can do it more on their terms. This also makes sense to me, but it’s not quite the case for me. Having a dominant partner pushes me to do things I didn’t think I could do. Or didn’t even know I wanted to do. I feel like this ties in a bit with my last letter/word. He does help build my confidence from time to time, which I’m grateful for. Before I stray too far and forget to link it, head on over here to read the whole article if you’re interested. 🙂

I love my dominant man. What we have works and works well for us. It’s things like this…

….that he does to make my heart and pussy melt for him.

I’m thankful and eager to show it to him for sticking around with me. Our personalities, in my opinion, compliment each other well. He’s dominant and in a position of authority; I’m submissive and work under several others. He’s very educated and professional; I only have a Bachelor’s degree and wear yoga pants in my den to work. It’s hard to believe what we have has lasted as long as it has. I’m by no means complaining, as it is a pleasant surprise. He’ll wise up eventually and walk away, but I will always remember our time together.

Entirely too true in this case!!

I adore my dominant Master and all the moments we share. ❤️

Talk again soon! Xoxo

‘C’ Is For Confidence….

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Confidence. I actually struggled a little bit to choose a word for this letter. I was going to do something more sexual, but then I guess I realized that a lot of confidence goes into having sex. You’re actually pretty vulnerable when you’re having sex with someone, whether it’s serious and loving or random and dirty. You’re letting someone see you in a way that not every person in the world gets to see you. Unless maybe you’re busier than me…. 🙂

amy schumer dancing GIF
This is really not that far off what I actually look like. Thanks for being everyone’s hero, Amy Schumer. If only I really was as confident as her!

Now, I don’t have very much confidence to be honest. There are those rare moments where somehow its spiked by adrenaline or who knows what and I am incredibly confident with myself and my body. Those moments are great, and I strive to have more of them by doing things just for myself to make me feel good.

I think that confidence plays a huge role in why I identify more with a submissive personality. From the articles and blog posts I’ve read, many subs out there have lower self-confidence and self-esteem. That’s definitely accurate about me. I know that he probably gets pretty annoyed with me and my lack of confidence most of the time. Even if he doesn’t believe it, he’s a huge source of strength for me when it comes to confidence. When he says “Good morning, sexy!”, I feel like I’m on top of the world. When I know he’s turned on around me or talking to me or he even does something small like getting a tea for me it feels good because he’s reminding me that I’m worth something. I’m worth remembering.

Just last night/this morning we talked a little about how he still chats with others. He says I’m the only one he meets, which makes me feel better about that part. I told him today that I would like it if he didn’t anymore. I try to always share what I’m feeling and that takes confidence to do!! It hard to tell someone when you’re hurt or they made you sad or that something is wrong. I believe he would try for me. To be completely honest, he hasn’t seen that message yet, so who knows what he’ll actually say. I could open our chat window to something I don’t want to see. So until then, I’m just not going to even check for a message for awhile because until I get a response and actually read it, I can continue to have hope for something good.

One in a million….

I also found this blog post I really liked that summed a lot of what I was feeling so if you feel like glancing at it just click here and let me know what you think if you found it interesting!

Anyways, thanks for anyone reading along!! You’re probably proud I’ve been keeping up so far with the alphabet! 😉 And please keep this in mind, as I will try to do the same:

Because you are!!

‘B’ Is For Bruise….

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Well, well!! Look at me doing two posts this week! So productive in everything today. When I thought about doing this whole alphabet thing, this is actually the first letter and word that came to mind. Not sure why, but it works! 🙂

So, one of the first things my Master and I talked about was that we both wanted to try more with was marking me somehow. We talked many times about smacking and spanking hard enough to leave marks in various places.

The very first time he came over to place is so memorable for many reasons. It was a cooler, rainy/wet snowy day. I met him in one of our spots, and we came back here where he sat me up on my kitchen island after pulling my pants down to bury his face between my legs. Quickly after that, he had me bent over the island with my pants still pulled down. He had just told me ‘I love you’ for the first time the night before while we were messaging back and forth. He had me pressed against the cold granite countertop while he teased me about not believing him, because I thought he was maybe embellishing his feelings for me. Without much warning, his hand came down on my bare ass. Hard. Repeatedly. It stung and it hurt, but it felt SO good. And the way he would caress my cheeks in between was so sweet and loving. The juxtaposition of it all was this perfect balance and it was so exciting!! It was also the first time he had fucked me on my couch while we “watched” the movie Copycat on Netflix. I still haven’t finished it from that day!! 😉

A day or so after my first spanking….

I know he loved making those marks appear. And I know it turned him on to watch my marked ass riding his cock as he sat beneath me on the couch…. So sexy and hot!!

Since then, we’ve played some with marks. Usually it’s something small. The last one was on my chest, but none of them have been like this first time…. I will never forget it. I can’t wait to have more experiences like this with him. He’s so fun to try things with. He feels safe and I trust him, which is very important while exploring this world.

I actually planned ahead and took another photo of the most recent mark he left on me….

Should’ve had him leave more than one mark….

I love when he leaves these on me. It’s this fun reminder of him and I love seeing it at random times throughout the day, especially when I know it’ll be awhile before I see him again. Which is totally the case right now!! I saw him for lunch the other day, which of course, was amazing. However, it needed to be short because of schedules and timing. Feeling his hand on my leg at the table was amazing and the subtle, quick brush between my legs with his hand had me melting.

I’m hopefully seeing him a couple days next week and I sincerely can’t wait!! I miss him ridiculously. It’s so silly and crazy and juvenile, but who cares? Missing someone and being missed are both great feelings. Everyone wants to be wanted. And I want him. And I want those hands to leave some more fun marks on me…. 😉

Back soon! ❤️

Bored in the Bath….🙄

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So here I am, sitting in a bubble bath while my fiancé sleeps and my Master is somewhere doing things Masters do. I should be reading honestly, but my mind is wandering and it would be a waste of several pages because I would retain none of it.

I had the intention of finding some kind of article discussing sex in water, but didn’t really find anything all that interesting or helpful. I did gather it’s best not to have sex in water if using condoms (the water breaks down the lubrication and heat from jacuzzis/hot baths could affect the efficiency). Plenty of bacteria lingers in chlorinated water as well as in rivers or lakes outside. I saw nothing discussing bath water in a clean tub though, which is where I would’ve chosen to have sex tonight. Probably wouldn’t have used bubbles though…

I am missing him today. I saw him yesterday for breakfast, which of course is always a treat. I love spending time with him anyway I can. But I’ve been so turned on by him and we’ve gotten together twice in the last week and I didn’t get the pleasure of him leading me to bed. It’s ridiculous how much I want and need him. Maybe I’ll see him again on Friday…

I did make this little video for him tonight:

The video sent to him has his name on it, but it has been covered up here with kissy emojis for privacy reasons obviously. He is so incredibly sexy in every sense of the word and I can only hope he feels a fraction for me what I do for him. Apologies for the short post tonight, but I suppose I should be a good little girl and go to bed…. 😉

Sweet dreams, all.

Xoxo

EDIT: Apparently you can’t upload videos if you have a free account…lame. But here is a simple screenshot because that’s all I can do for now! 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Slow Day . . .

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It’s a slow day here at work today. I haven’t actually heard from my Master in just about 24 hours now. It’s sick how I keep track of that. Anyways…

3ish hours later…

So I started writing this blog at work, but then out of nowhere it got very busy. However, during my long and boring day, I had time to get lost on my phone. I found some good memes, funny videos I could watch without sound, but then somehow I wound up on reddit and came across this post in a subreddit I sort of follow:

I thought this was actually kind of cute and sexy….maybe a nice way to leave some pink temporary marks on someone and then tear off a piece for them to eat, maybe while tied up even. 😊 I thought it was cute and sexy anyways!

This subreddit for BDSM is actually quite interesting. There’s lots to see from people as far as what their routines are, rules they set, personal photos of markings or collars. So much to explore! This is actually where we first started looking at collars and ultimately found the one he gave to me.

I also found this post about candle wax where a user shared a personal photo that looked interesting:

This is something we’ve talked about trying before also. There will hopefully be a time for everything to be tried!!

Doing this research can be fun and exciting in and of itself! When I first found this subreddit, I scoured it for a good while and sent my Master things I liked. It was very exciting for both of us and I know he loves trying new things with me! 😊

Is there anything anyone out there has ever wanted to try or tried the above things and want to share? 😊 I would love to hear!

Sweet Snowy Day ❄️

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Today was a snowy day here where I’m at and it was a wonderful one. I had some time with my Master this morning and, as usual, it was amazing. I grabbed some breakfast for us on the way to his house where we laid around all morning, playing with the dog and me giving him a massage. It was nice just to spend some time with him. 🙂

I’m always just slightly torn on days like these. It is beyond wonderful that we can enjoy each other’s company without always having to have sex. It makes me feel as though our relationship isn’t just one dimensional and we can be/are connected on other levels. However, I always want to feel like I’m making the most of our time together because it is a little limited. I would’ve loved to have fucked him today. Especially after that teasing stunt he pulled on me the other day by not letting me suck his cock…he knows how mean that was. 🙂

After I left his snowy home and made it back to my own, I couldn’t help but to smile and reflect back on our time together. My only regret being that he didn’t take me by the hand and lead me to his spare bedroom in the basement where we sometimes play…

He actually will be getting back to work here next week. Kind of excited for that in one sense because I will be seeing him a little bit there. It will be interesting and exciting to pretend not to know him and to have to maintain a professional relationship with him in that setting. 🙂 More on that later!

I hope you all had as good of a day as I did! 🙂

Xoxo

What it’s like when worlds collide…

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As I was coming up with the title for this post, all I could think about was this song from 1999:

I used to think I was so cool listening to this song in middle school and going into high school. So much angst and thinking I was SO hardcore… Completely hilarious now.

Anywho…..today’s post is about my two worlds colliding together. I have one life that everyone knows about about: my fiance and I grocery shopping together, my friends and I meeting for lunches or game nights, my family coming out for a visit. My normal life. These things are all publicly acknowledged, documented even through social media and memories that are allowed to be shared.

Then there is my other life; my secret one. The one where I have a boyfriend who is my Master. I don’t share with anyone how we sit and talk about movies, or how he fucks me hard in my bed or his guest bed, or how he colors a picture and I rub his back, or how he slaps me and turns both of us on. It is a complicated thing that we have. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It can be difficult not to share these things about him; my feelings and experiences I mean. But in a strange way, it makes what we have more special because it truly is just between he and I. And, of course, anyone reading this blog right now. 🙂 I’d be lying a little if I were to say that I didn’t care if we never were more than this. I know realistically it won’t happen, but I sure can dream about it, and it is a lovely dream.

I think this picture is important and significant, to me at least, because it shows both of my worlds intertwined. On the right I have my engagement ring. Of course it’s important to me, as is my fiance. I do love him, just as my Master loves his wife. On the left I have my collar, complete with an inscription from my Master. I also love him and he is important to me as well. I’m happy to wear both of these pieces of jewelry. It is interesting with the collar though because I don’t know that many people know what it is exactly. I had someone compliment it just the other day at the store, but I’m certain she just thought it was a necklace. 🙂 It’s exciting to be wearing something in public that represents his ownership of me. I like knowing that I’m his, and he is mine. I know that he will never fully be mine, but I like knowing that it is just he and I with this secret. We share something special and I feel like he and I are getting the best of both worlds right now: we each have our normal lives that we get to enjoy, but then we also get to enjoy our other life together. One of my favorite things about him is when he talks about our future together. I know I’m probably thinking about this a little much like a regular relationship, but its not that far off. I know he feels this way too based on our conversations about it. I trust him. Very much. The advantage he and I have is the complete honesty and trust we have together. So many relationships, including each of our primary relationships, don’t have the same level of honesty and while I’m sure we both trust our significant others strongly, he and I share a different kind of trust.

I can only hope that other subs/girls have what I have. The sub role is obviously still slightly new to me. He and I are both still learning together and even though I refer to him mostly as my Master in this blog, I do still see him more as a boyfriend majority of the time. I think if our schedules allowed for us to have more time together, exploring these roles would be different. Right now, we only have so much time together in these 2-4 hour blocks of time and we try to fit in as much as we can: normal couple things like cuddling, having something to eat (other than his fucking delicious cock), back rubs for him while we mindlessly chat. Most of the time we manage to get a good fuck session in though too…Like yesterday.

Before he left yesterday, we made our way to my bed where we played with our gag for the first time (that will be another post…). He tied it around my head and shoved me onto my back in bed. After a few slaps on my already wet pussy, like in this sexy gif I found:

beautiful pussy

As I was moaning with my gag in my mouth, he was teasing me like crazy; asking “Is there something you’re trying to say? Do you need something?” It was driving me crazy….Then he crawled on top of me, his mouth on my pussy and moving his cock against my lips. I kept trying to get my tongue out to taste his precum, but I could only do so much with my gag on. Finally after teasing me for what felt like forever, he slid off me and walked around the bed so he could crawl back on top of me to fuck me with that hard cock of his. Looking into his eyes with the gag in my mouth and feeling him fill me with cum was so fucking hot and sexy. He is just absolutely amazing and I can’t wait for my next date with him.

I’ve really gotten off track here in this post. There are many things I want to go back to because I feel they deserve a post of their own, so I’ll get on that. But to wrap things up, I really do have two amazing lives that I get the pleasure of living. I’m happy to have them both and don’t want to lose either anytime soon.

Xoxo

Decisions, Decisions…

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Life is just full of them! For example, today my Master and I decided to meet for breakfast. 🙂 I love that we can do things like that and have a relationship outside of the bedroom. It is a different dynamic, but just as exciting to be with him. I like that we can have a completely normal, public friendly conversation and then switch over to me showing him some stats on this blog. I like that he’s interested in reading my posts and listening to my thoughts. I like discussing things with him as well as sharing these thoughts with other readers like you. I get to share this secret I have while remaining anonymous. I love it! 🙂

So today he read my most recent post. I haven’t heard what he thought of it yet because our conversation took another turn… The other day when we were together in bed, he gave me a couple loud and slightly hard slaps on my ass, as well as sucked and nibbled just under my breast and he joked about that possibly leaving a mark for my fiance to see… We both are very turned on by him leaving marks on me, but we both have to be careful with that because of our significant others. Marks can be hard to explain… 🙂

We have plans to get together again tomorrow and we were talking about maybe him leaving a mark on me somewhere. The thought is exciting and makes my heart race to think about him being rough and literally leaving his mark on me. We both know I’m his little slut to mark up. 😉

So just a bit ago he and I were talking about where to leave a mark for tomorrow. He had a very interesting idea to put up a poll for anyone reading this article and I loved it! I’m averaging about 10 visitors a day right now, which I don’t think is actually so bad! So if you have made it this far in the post, please go ahead and vote below in my poll on where he should leave a mark on me tomorrow… 🙂

Xoxo

What are your personality traits?

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What a hard question to answer! Am I the only one who feels like my traits actually kind of shift slightly depending on the setting/situation/people I’m with? I think its kind of like no one really knows yourself like you do. I act the same generally around everyone I know, but there are things that I change ever so slightly when I’m around different people. I have an insanely dirty mouth and swear constantly, but I refuse to say swear words around my parents or strangers (for the most part). It just feels wrong. However, those I’m closest to probably think I’m part sailor because of my mouth. I’m a quite agreeable person; I am not fond of confrontation, but will stand up for myself every now and again when I feel like I can’t put up with it anymore. It’s almost like having a jar full of moments that I put up with other people’s shit and when it gets full, I have to dump some of it out.

Related image

I think I would be safe to say that generally speaking, most people are this way. Some people are just rude no matter what and some people just can’t say a bad word about anyone no matter what the circumstances are. Those people can be tough to be around for me sometimes though because I definitely do more than my fair share of judging others for anything and everything. Sometimes I know I have to censor myself around certain friends because they won’t appreciate my comments, but I have other friends who will sit there and laugh like a hyena with me about someone we are poking fun at.

In doing some research online, I found this article that was an interesting read. It basically goes over personality traits that are commonly found between doms and subs. I think the findings seemed to line up with what I thought they would before I actually started reading the article.

Additionally, participants who preferred the dominant role tended to be lower in agreeableness and neuroticism compared to submissive participants and to the general population, while, submissives tended to be more extraverted than the general population. Additionally, dominants tended to have higher subjective well-being and were less sensitive to rejection compared to the general population, suggesting that people drawn to the dominant role may be particularly psychologically well adjusted.

The above direct quote makes sense to me. However, in my personal experience so far in my relationship with my Master, this doesn’t prove to be exactly true. He is not what I call ‘low in agreeableness’. I know we don’t take on our dom and sub roles constantly in our relationship, but even when we are in those roles he still seems fairly agreeable to me. Maybe its just because I want what he wants, and not just because I’m his submissive slut, but because I truly want the same things that he does. Who knows? Still learning over here. 🙂

Image result for bdsm meme

I also feel like we are both fairly well adjusted psychologically. We both lead ‘normal’ lives, his probably slightly more normal than mine. I definitely have those other submissive traits that I don’t think he has as much: the anxiety, neuroticism, sensitivity to rejection, etc. Perhaps he does have these things and I just don’t know. Maybe that will be a conversation we will have and I can revisit this topic. 🙂 I love learning more about him and his thoughts on anything and everything!

I also found this to be interesting:

Those drawn to the dominant role appear to be self-confident, assertive, and comfortable taking control. Those who are drawn to the submissive role appear to be more introverted and emotional, and enjoy surrendering control. Dominants seem to have a better opinion of themselves and to be more satisfied with their lives compared to submissives, which might be accounted for due to greater extraversion. People of both orientations are open to new experiences and are probably self-disciplined and appreciate structure and rules. Hence, it would seem that people drawn to BDSM choose roles that fit their personalities to a certain extent…

It more or less says that same thing as the quote I shared first, but it is still great food for thought. I do feel like he and I are drawn to each other. At the very least, I know I am strongly drawn to him, both for sexual and intellectual reasons. I think every relationship strives to have that ultimate mix of rough and sweet, fun and serious in all aspects. That balance would be hard to preserve, but I believe with the right communication, openness to try new experiences and complete honesty, it can be achieved. I’m only left to wonder if he and I were in different circumstances, would we be in a strong and completely exclusive relationship? Based on the evidence and experience I currently have in *this* moment, I would say yes. In another universe, in another lifetime, I will forever be his and he would be mine. But in this lifetime and in this reality, I’m just happy he graces me with his presence and we can navigate this together! 🙂

And just like that…

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…another day has come and gone with him! It was wonderful to see him today. I got him for about four and a half hours today, for which I’m very grateful!

We made it back to his house together and sat around in the living room playing with the dog for awhile before slipping down to the basement. It was very nice just sitting there with him, enjoying the company each of us has to offer. 🙂

Once we made it to the basement though, we had our clothes off and were in bed fairly quickly. But we were able to take our time in bed together, which was amazing. Feeling his tongue on mine, his hand slapping my ass and my arms around him was perfect. He helped me to cum first, giving me permission, rubbing my clit while I moved my hips against his hand. Very quickly I could feel my legs beginning to shake and I came hard for him. We laid there kissing and holding each other and it was incredible…I can never get enough of him. His cock was so hard and he had me flip over on my knees with my ass up so he could give me a more proper spanking. I love feeling and hearing it when he does…after that I had to pull down the covers and take him in my mouth. I love feeling his cock glide down my throat, my tongue moving against him, my lips wrapped around him, hearing him moan softly when I take him deep in my throat…it turns me on like crazy. Not long after I started sucking him, he pulled on my legs to rearrange me so my pussy was right in his face. Feeling his tongue on me drove me wild and all I wanted was to make him cum like he did for me. I loved moving my lips and tongue faster on him until I could hear him moan and pant a little and then feeling him shoot all his cum in my mouth…it was very sexy and fun and intimate!

Then we just laid there, talking and laughing and kissing for the next couple hours. I love getting time with him to just talk. He’s wonderful to talk to and a great conversationalist. He’s funny and smart and quick witted. Even writing this now I can’t help but to smile thinking about him laying there with me, both of us laughing at something silly. 🙂

I saw this awhile ago on Tumblr and had saved it, before I even met him I think. But going back through saved posts earlier today from boredom, this describes him quite well for me. While we are dangerous for each other, I believe this risk is worth the reward, as I think he does too. I’m finding out a lot about myself through this relationship we have. I never anticipated anything like this happening and sometimes I think my feelings are too much, but I can’t help it.

Most of the time I’m too busy thinking about the future: what’s going to happen, what could happen, what I want to happen. Or I’m dwelling on the past, feeling the low from the high I just had, wondering why it had to end. But today felt a little different for some reason. I still have the same sad feeling I always do when he and I part ways, but today it was less so. And even talking to him today about what our summer will look like when we won’t be able to see each other as much was sad, but still made me feel better because it means there is a future of some sort. Or the thought of one at least. So I’ll end here, on a somewhat happy note. All I have in my head now is the closing monologue that Kevin Spacey gives in American Beauty as Lester Burnham. I’ll save that for another day, but this closing gif will do.

Xoxo