Month: December 2018

Why be a Sub…

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Who knows? My Master has asked me this more than once, before and after we became “official” if you want to call it that. I think some of it can be explained by the simple idea of some people are leaders and some people are followers. Now, this can be different from the bedroom compared to real life, obviously. Someone could be more of a leader in their public life and enjoy being controlled in bed or vice versa. Speaking only for myself, I’m a follower in most forms.

Part of it might have been growing up in a house where I was to ask for permission for most things: to get a snack, to watch tv, to go outside, etc. Maybe that had something to do with it? I’ve always had more thoughts going on in my head than words coming out of my mouth. I’ve never liked getting in trouble and I preferred to be the quiet wheel who didn’t need any grease to keep going. I also know I’m a people pleaser. I like making others happy; going above and beyond if I can. Something about seeing someone else happy, makes me happy. I feel like I’ve accomplished something and can feel good about myself. It sounds rather selfish writing it here and now: I do nice things for others in order to feel good about myself. So perhaps I’m not as nice as I’d like to think I am…. 🙂

I’ve read on other blogs/articles/discussion boards that being submissive is actually just as powerful as being a dominant because you’re willingly giving up yourself to someone else. I’d say I agree with that. It makes sense to me. However, being the dominant I think is still a challenging role for someone because you have to be the one telling someone what to do; coming up with ideas, staying in control even if it means maybe some of your pleasure is sacrificed because you don’t get to focus solely on that like the submissive does. It’s definitely something to think about and won’t get figured out in this one post.

I’m enjoying exploring the role of being his submissive. I don’t know that a dominant role would ever really be for me. I’m very lucky that he and I have an easy and comfortable place in which we are learning together. Recently, he was at my apartment with me after running an errand together. He helped to remove my clothes while standing in the kitchen and I bent down to take my shoes off while he took his pants off. He had me suck his cock while I was down on my knees before grabbing a handful of my hair and having me crawl to bed where he fucked me hard and came inside me. I love when he pulls my hair, grabs and squeezes my neck, pinched my nipples hard. The trust I have with him is strong and simple. We communicate well and that’s why I think we work so well together. I’ve never had such an open and honest sexual relationship. I wouldn’t change anything in it. Other than we would be fucking each other every day…

More to come on this topic in the future as exploration continues! 🙂

Well, here we are…

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I had talked with my Master/dom/boyfriend/whatever about starting a blog somewhat recently, but had just been too lazy to actually get going on it. Last night while I was taking a bath, sudden inspiration struck and I found myself looking at other blogs to see what was out there and to get an idea of what I wanted to say. I still have no idea what that is exactly, so bear with me…

To provide some background for anyone reading this, I met this man online. Real original, right? He’s older than me by 17 years, which doesn’t bother me all that much. Do people ever really grow up anyways? 🙂 I didn’t anticipate our conversations really progressing longer than just a few days; more of a fun distraction than anything else. A few days after we started talking, I was fired from my job. I had told him about it and he felt bad and wanted to get together to try and make me feel better. We ended up meeting in a public place and going for a walk and just talking. I remember at one point while we were walking, he reached up and put his hand on my back and I felt this kind of tingle, probably because I knew we were doing something we shouldn’t be doing, but I digress.

Before the dark cloud of unemployment loomed over me, he and I had discussed some of our sexual interests and desires; things were both had tried, wanted to try, didn’t want to try, etc. As we were wrapping up our walk, he had his hand on the back of my neck, tangled in my hair, squeezing, pulling. As we rounded a corner to where there was a little privacy underneath a pedestrian bridge, he pulled me into kiss him, his hands hungrily pulling back on my hair and pressing his body against mine. I was excited. A little scared. Tempted by this forbidden force that was between us. I was afraid that if I had stayed much longer, I would’ve asked him to come back to my apartment with me. Just before we parted ways, we kissed once more and then, much to my surprise, he slapped my ass with unexpected force that echoed under the bridge. I was so surprised and turned on about how this slap had felt. By the time I walked myself home, I already couldn’t wait to see him again. I had no idea how to handle this, and I must confess I still don’t know how to handle it and its been almost 3 1/2 months since we have began this…relationship so to speak.

I realize this entry still doesn’t exactly touch on what this blog is officially for, but it does set up the stage for future events. I honestly haven’t given much thought to how this blog is going to be organized. I don’t know if it should tell a story, start to end, or if I just should take it one entry at a time. Maybe that’s the beauty of this whole thing: I don’t have to decide just yet. I’m not very good at making decisions anyways, which is part of the reason why I make a decent sub. I overall enjoy being told what to do and pleasing others. While he and I are not currently involved in a traditional dom/sub relationship, I thoroughly enjoy what we have and how there are many levels to us.

More to come… xoxo.

First Post!

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Welcome to whoever finds and reads this. It’s staying open to the public, but I don’t really anticipate anyone reading it. I’m thinking this will more so be a platform for myself to process and express my thoughts and feelings as I continue on in life with my relationships, both my publically acknowledged one and my secret one. I’d like to make a commitment to write here every day about something, but that’s quite ambitious and the novelty is still here for now so we’ll see! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!