Today was a snowy day here where I’m at and it was a wonderful one. I had some time with my Master this morning and, as usual, it was amazing. I grabbed some breakfast for us on the way to his house where we laid around all morning, playing with the dog and me giving him a massage. It was nice just to spend some time with him. 🙂
I’m always just slightly torn on days like these. It is beyond wonderful that we can enjoy each other’s company without always having to have sex. It makes me feel as though our relationship isn’t just one dimensional and we can be/are connected on other levels. However, I always want to feel like I’m making the most of our time together because it is a little limited. I would’ve loved to have fucked him today. Especially after that teasing stunt he pulled on me the other day by not letting me suck his cock…he knows how mean that was. 🙂
After I left his snowy home and made it back to my own, I couldn’t help but to smile and reflect back on our time together. My only regret being that he didn’t take me by the hand and lead me to his spare bedroom in the basement where we sometimes play…
He actually will be getting back to work here next week. Kind of excited for that in one sense because I will be seeing him a little bit there. It will be interesting and exciting to pretend not to know him and to have to maintain a professional relationship with him in that setting. 🙂 More on that later!
As I was coming up with the title for this post, all I could think about was this song from 1999:
I used to think I was so cool listening to this song in middle school and going into high school. So much angst and thinking I was SO hardcore… Completely hilarious now.
Anywho…..today’s post is about my two worlds colliding together. I have one life that everyone knows about about: my fiance and I grocery shopping together, my friends and I meeting for lunches or game nights, my family coming out for a visit. My normal life. These things are all publicly acknowledged, documented even through social media and memories that are allowed to be shared.
Then there is my other life; my secret one. The one where I have a boyfriend who is my Master. I don’t share with anyone how we sit and talk about movies, or how he fucks me hard in my bed or his guest bed, or how he colors a picture and I rub his back, or how he slaps me and turns both of us on. It is a complicated thing that we have. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It can be difficult not to share these things about him; my feelings and experiences I mean. But in a strange way, it makes what we have more special because it truly is just between he and I. And, of course, anyone reading this blog right now. 🙂 I’d be lying a little if I were to say that I didn’t care if we never were more than this. I know realistically it won’t happen, but I sure can dream about it, and it is a lovely dream.
I think this picture is important and significant, to me at least, because it shows both of my worlds intertwined. On the right I have my engagement ring. Of course it’s important to me, as is my fiance. I do love him, just as my Master loves his wife. On the left I have my collar, complete with an inscription from my Master. I also love him and he is important to me as well. I’m happy to wear both of these pieces of jewelry. It is interesting with the collar though because I don’t know that many people know what it is exactly. I had someone compliment it just the other day at the store, but I’m certain she just thought it was a necklace. 🙂 It’s exciting to be wearing something in public that represents his ownership of me. I like knowing that I’m his, and he is mine. I know that he will never fully be mine, but I like knowing that it is just he and I with this secret. We share something special and I feel like he and I are getting the best of both worlds right now: we each have our normal lives that we get to enjoy, but then we also get to enjoy our other life together. One of my favorite things about him is when he talks about our future together. I know I’m probably thinking about this a little much like a regular relationship, but its not that far off. I know he feels this way too based on our conversations about it. I trust him. Very much. The advantage he and I have is the complete honesty and trust we have together. So many relationships, including each of our primary relationships, don’t have the same level of honesty and while I’m sure we both trust our significant others strongly, he and I share a different kind of trust.
I can only hope that other subs/girls have what I have. The sub role is obviously still slightly new to me. He and I are both still learning together and even though I refer to him mostly as my Master in this blog, I do still see him more as a boyfriend majority of the time. I think if our schedules allowed for us to have more time together, exploring these roles would be different. Right now, we only have so much time together in these 2-4 hour blocks of time and we try to fit in as much as we can: normal couple things like cuddling, having something to eat (other than his fucking delicious cock), back rubs for him while we mindlessly chat. Most of the time we manage to get a good fuck session in though too…Like yesterday.
Before he left yesterday, we made our way to my bed where we played with our gag for the first time (that will be another post…). He tied it around my head and shoved me onto my back in bed. After a few slaps on my already wet pussy, like in this sexy gif I found:
As I was moaning with my gag in my mouth, he was teasing me like crazy; asking “Is there something you’re trying to say? Do you need something?” It was driving me crazy….Then he crawled on top of me, his mouth on my pussy and moving his cock against my lips. I kept trying to get my tongue out to taste his precum, but I could only do so much with my gag on. Finally after teasing me for what felt like forever, he slid off me and walked around the bed so he could crawl back on top of me to fuck me with that hard cock of his. Looking into his eyes with the gag in my mouth and feeling him fill me with cum was so fucking hot and sexy. He is just absolutely amazing and I can’t wait for my next date with him.
I’ve really gotten off track here in this post. There are many things I want to go back to because I feel they deserve a post of their own, so I’ll get on that. But to wrap things up, I really do have two amazing lives that I get the pleasure of living. I’m happy to have them both and don’t want to lose either anytime soon.
Life is just full of them! For example, today my Master and I decided to meet for breakfast. 🙂 I love that we can do things like that and have a relationship outside of the bedroom. It is a different dynamic, but just as exciting to be with him. I like that we can have a completely normal, public friendly conversation and then switch over to me showing him some stats on this blog. I like that he’s interested in reading my posts and listening to my thoughts. I like discussing things with him as well as sharing these thoughts with other readers like you. I get to share this secret I have while remaining anonymous. I love it! 🙂
So today he read my most recent post. I haven’t heard what he thought of it yet because our conversation took another turn… The other day when we were together in bed, he gave me a couple loud and slightly hard slaps on my ass, as well as sucked and nibbled just under my breast and he joked about that possibly leaving a mark for my fiance to see… We both are very turned on by him leaving marks on me, but we both have to be careful with that because of our significant others. Marks can be hard to explain… 🙂
We have plans to get together again tomorrow and we were talking about maybe him leaving a mark on me somewhere. The thought is exciting and makes my heart race to think about him being rough and literally leaving his mark on me. We both know I’m his little slut to mark up. 😉
So just a bit ago he and I were talking about where to leave a mark for tomorrow. He had a very interesting idea to put up a poll for anyone reading this article and I loved it! I’m averaging about 10 visitors a day right now, which I don’t think is actually so bad! So if you have made it this far in the post, please go ahead and vote below in my poll on where he should leave a mark on me tomorrow… 🙂
So tomorrow is the first time I’ll be seeing my Master since just after Christmas (hopefully anyway!) and I can’t wait!
It’s a tough choice because I want Him to immediately take me into bed to spank, choke and fuck me hard until we both cum. But I also just want to hug and kiss Him and hear about how life has been going for Him while getting lost in His eyes. I’m not sure where we’re meeting just yet because of some recent changes in His household, but I really don’t care where we meet. Just thinking about Him right now gives me butterflies and gets me incredibly excited and turned on…
I came across this quote earlier and liked it very much:
His face immediately comes to mind. Feeling His hand tightly on my neck while He kisses my cheek softly before slapping it turns me on like crazy. Staring into His eyes and seeing this almost lustful smirk because He knows how much we both want this. I have very little willpower when it comes to Him. I just can’t help it!! Not that I’ve ever really tried, I suppose…Nor do I think I want to! I enjoy the power He has over me. I don’t know if He truly knows what He does to me in so many ways.
So after seeing that quote, I went on a little Google search and came across a site that had a few more that I liked, including this one (probably because that is what I googled lol):
This crosses my mind almost every time He tells me to do something when we’re in bed. I almost want to defy Him just so he has a ‘reason’ to punish me because I know that’s what we both really want. But it’s so hard to do that when I already want to do what he tells me. Maybe that’s just because I’m a dirty slut…who can say for sure? 🙂
Click here to see the rest of them if you feel so inclined. 🙂 I liked all of them for one reason or another, but these stuck out to me today.
I wish anyone reading this sexy thoughts. Hopefully you’ll all be as lucky as I will be tomorrow… 😉
Okay, maybe not really. But that is one of my favorite lines from American Psycho, which I watched today. I still haven’t managed to read the book yet, which I’ve heard is better of course. Another quote I enjoy is:
There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.
The opening scene always reminded me of the opening for Mommie Dearest where we watch Joan Crawford’s extensive and grueling morning routine. Both of these are opening scenes which I very much enjoy. One difference is the narration that Patrick Bateman gives us; he lets the audience get just under the surface of his thoughts.
I feel like this is how we all are. People have the idea of what we are, what we portray ourselves as. When I walk into the grocery store or around the mall, people don’t know that I have both a fiancé and a boyfriend. They can’t tell that I love to be bent over, slapped and fucked by my Master. Or how I love when he chokes me and pulls on my hair. They see the ‘me’ that I want them to see: a decent, respectable woman wearing mostly modest clothing. They don’t see the remote vibrator I have on in my panties that my Master is controlling. What would they think if they did know? Would they say something if they knew? Would they be jealous or disgusted or perhaps sexually excited and ready to get home to their own partner to play? It’s hard to say…
People like to say they’re open, but when push comes to shove, I don’t think most are. When I talk to my friends about sex, which is rare because most of them are too uptight about that kind of thing, a simple blow job is risqué. I could only imagine what they would think or say if I told them what I was doing in bed with Him every time we had sex. There might be a few friends that would be a little less close with me…
I think I like this movie so much because even though Patrick Bateman’s secret is that he is a cold blooded killer, the secret could be anything really. We all smile and nod at others and when someone asks how we are, we say “I’m fine” or “Doing alright”, but there are times when I’d like to say “Honestly, I’m doing terrible. I’m so horny and can’t wait to be fucked by my Master again. See this collar he bought for me? I touch it quite often throughout the day and think of him. In many ways.” But I can’t say that out loud, so I won’t. Instead I’ll come here and vent to myself or whoever else ends up reading this. 🙂
My parting gift to you:
Can’t tell if that gif will play or not, but he sure does look happy. 😉
Just A Sub: Learning and Adventures 