Bedtime Thoughts

I just was talking to my Master a little while ago, before he was most likely heading to bed, and he told me I never seem to sleep. I try, but my mind is always racing with one thought or another; an engine I can’t shut off. As I lay here, I think about Him laying in bed, stripped down to his boxers, maybe even thinking of me before he drifts off to sleep. I hope he’s having sweet dreams…

Anyways, I’m currently reading a book He lent to me, Sophie’s World. It is fascinating and I’m making my way slowly through it, wanting to absorb as much as possible. I have flagged pages with things I like or have wanted to research more on. Often after reading a chapter or section, I’ll take myself on a Google adventure and try to process what I’ve been reading. On one of my recent research episodes, I came upon a quote from the Greek philosopher Thales:

The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.

My initial reaction was ‘Yeah…duh.’ However, sitting on this quote all day, he’s right. How can you ever even really know yourself? My Master and I have also had a similar conversation when talking about our own relationship and how it’s different from each of our separate primary relationships. We both act different around our significant others than we do each other, at the very least sexually. Maybe what He and I are doing is learning about this part of ourselves that we don’t know and are just wanting to explore. Will we both always like it? Will someone grow tired of it? Would we be honest enough with each other to share these things? I don’t know about the first two, although I hope neither of us gets tired of this, but I strongly believe we would be honest with each other. This is a segue way into another thing I found today that I liked very much:

My relationship with my Master is probably the most honest one I’ve personally been in. I have no secrets with him; nothing to hide or be embarrassed about or ashamed of. It’s all on the table and I love it. I love that even though He and I still are learning about each other and ourselves, we are open and honest. He doesn’t get mad or upset when I ask what I deem to be stupid questions, or at least He doesn’t let on that He’s annoyed. We talk about boundaries, what we want to do, our future together. As the submissive here, I need that structure and reassurance that He is there for me. That he wants to be there. I want to be His choice, not something he feels as though he should settle for. I know I’m a bit too much for him sometimes and I try to make myself slow down and think, but when my impulsiveness strikes, He has a way of calming me down. I trust Him. Not just as a Master, but as a lover, partner, boyfriend and friend. At the most basic level, He’s one of my best friends. I didn’t know what I was getting into when we met, but I don’t regret it and I wouldn’t change anything if I could go back. If, because saying when kind of stings, things were to end, I’ll forever be grateful for this experience in pure honesty and communication. He is my Master and I love him.